Castration Frustration
by colacherry
Summary: Bella shows Edward some Freudian fun. Penis envy has never been so hot. Adult themes, BDSM. Lemony good times. The Anti-Pleasure Dissertation outtake.


**A/N:** Thanks to **Ninapolitan** for letting me participate in the **Friday Free For All** and the awesome **Twilighted** betas/admins! Mucho love to my beta and editrix **EverIntruiged** and to **MsKathy**, who is not only just amazing and supportive in general (not to mention an incredible writer), but also assured me many moons ago when I mentioned this idea to her for the FFFA that I wasn't crazy.

This is an outtake and is in a land of far, far in the future.

Standard disclaimer = I don't own anything.

* * *

_"The roles of active initiator and penetrator are no longer solely the domain of men, nor are the qualities of receptivity and passivity for girls only."  
-Tristan Taormino_

**BPOV**

There was no comparison to the feeling of being thoroughly ravished by Edward. I laid down in the bed next to him, and listened as our breathing slowly started to pace back to normal.

"I don't think I need to tell you how amazing that felt," he commented with a wry smile.

"Actually you _do_, you're the one with the penis. I can't even imagine how that must feel. Being inside of me… feeling every sensation my body goes through… actually being able to ejaculate."

"That's not true, you ejaculate sometimes."

I rolled onto my side and looked at him. "You know it's not the same. I'd give anything to be a guy for a day. I can already think of ten things I'd do, and not all of them sexual."

"Oh?" He quirked a brow at me.

"Oh yeah! Beyond jacking off, or fucking someone… I think I'd just like the idea of seeing the world through a man's eyes."

"It's not that different, I promise you."

"You say that _because_ you're a man. There's so much difference in how you are treated as a woman. I can't even walk down the street without being objectified. It'd be awesome to walk past a construction site and not hear a peep."

"I'll take your word for it, but women aren't the only ones to be looked at as a piece of meat."

I rolled my eyes. "But I bet it doesn't bother you."

He shrugged. "Not really, I guess. I don't really think about it."

"Must be nice!" I laughed and lay back down on the bed.

"I'm curious: Alice or Rosalie?"

"Huh?" I gave him an odd look. That was an out of the blue question.

"I assumed you'd sleep with one of your friends with your new male extension."

"Tough call," I thought for a minute, "I mean they are both fucking sexy, but I think Rose would take control… which we both know I think is a turn-on. I think she might be _too _controlling for me, though. Alice is hot in a different kind of way, but I have a feeling her spunky demeanor is hiding a world of kink behind it. I mean, have you seen some of the shoes she wears? It's like a Dominatrix's wet dream."

"Alice, then?"

"Maybe. I dunno. I think sleeping with friends can get tricky. Add me being a man for only a short time period, and I think it'd make it even more complicated. Maybe a one-night stand?"

"So you wouldn't want to fuck me?"

I smirked at him. "I already _do_."

"Fine, then, you wouldn't want to _penetrate_ me?"

My eyes widened slightly. It wasn't something I had ever considered, but I couldn't deny how hot the idea sounded.

"I think I'd like that a lot," I conceded. "I just didn't think you'd be into something like that."

"Why do you say that?" he asked curiously.

"I dunno… maybe it's because you seem to have this need for dominance, and me fucking you seems like a role reversal… like you're the one giving up control."

"I didn't say anything about giving up control."

"But you want me on top…"

"I want you to fuck me with a strap-on. Having a dick has nothing to do with power."

"Did you not hear my rant earlier about catcalls?"

"In our _relationship_ it has nothing to do with power. Besides, didn't you already surrender yourself to me?"

I snorted, "Mayhaps. I'm not sure how I could be submissive with a strap-on, though."

"You could listen to my cues, my instructions. I could tell you exactly what I want. I know what you want, but I don't think either of us could give up control completely."

"So…" I prompted.

"We both have control. Me of your pleasure, you of mine."

"I can agree to that…I guess we'll see how things go? I wish I could _really_ be inside you. Not just an artificial extension of me."

"Don't think of it like that, just think of it as you giving as much pleasure as I get and receive from being inside you."

I smiled at the thought and was pleased with how interested in this idea he seemed – how willing he was to give this to me.

I gave him a quick kiss. "Thank you, that sounds perfect."

***

"You don't think my penis would be bigger than that?"

We had been walking around the store for about ten minutes looking at different gadgets before settling into the aisle with dildos and harnesses.

"I think you would have the biggest dick known to mankind, but let's be gentle to my virgin ass for now," he responded in an amused tone.

"It's kind of exciting I get to take your virginity," I told him with a gleeful grin.

"Pretty sure that was Kate Miller in 10th grade."

I hit him lightly on the arm. "You know what I mean, ass," I couldn't help the laugh that escaped, _"literally!"_

"It's an exciting first for both of us. I look forward to returning the favor."

My own ass clenched involuntarily. "Have you before? I mean had anal sex?"

"I have, but not with you. Everything with you seems different and new."

I was satisfied with his answer and grabbed another dildo. "I can't decide if I should get something colorful or realistic."

"How about we stick with the keywords 'soft' and 'gentle'. Do they make anything like that?"

I leaned in and told him in a husky voice, "You're anything but soft when you're inside me and I like it that way." His eyes darkened slightly at my words and I backed away trying to feign innocence.

We looked at the selection for a few more minutes before deciding on the one that seemed the most lifelike. It was firm but felt silky soft to the touch. The harness we chose could be adjusted for the leg as well. We stocked up on extra condoms, lube, and I added a butterfly vibrator at last minute. He paid at the cash register while I perused some more of the store.

We took the bus back to his place and I couldn't deny the exhilaration coursing through my body. Images of him bent over a table with me pumping into him from behind trailed through my mind. I might have been drooling.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

"Just thinking about things to come. Pun intended."

He didn't say anything but shook his head lightly at my joke. The rest of the short bus ride back to his place was silent and filled with anticipation. He pulled the string when we approached his apartment building and got off at the stop. We quietly walked through the lobby and entered the elevator.

"You know I can't wait to get you back to your bedroom," I stated in a deceptively calm voice. "You thought you were mine before? I'm going to fucking own you."

I felt so much power in those words. If he minded my statement, it didn't show, so I took that as encouragement to elaborate.

I sucked on his neck and mouthed into his skin, "I'm not going to take it easy on you. I'm going to fuck you nice and hard."

I backed away with a smirk as we reached his apartment. Once inside the entryway, I walked at a leisurely pace to the kitchen to get some wine. I got a glass out of the cabinet and was about to open the refrigerator to look for an open bottle of wine when he grabbed my hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You don't fancy a drink?"

"I don't think so. You started this, you need to finish it."

I quickly placed the glass on the countertop as he dragged me out of the kitchen towards his bedroom. I was shocked at how aggressive he was being, as he always seemed so controlled, even when in charge. I was even more surprised by how much it turned me on.

"Tell me what you want." I tried to make my voice as unassuming as possible, so it didn't sound like a demand, but I needed him to tell me what he wanted.

"Take off everything and put on the butterfly and the strap-on. Give the remote to me."

I quickly complied by removing my clothing. I ripped the packaging open on the items we had bought at the store and adjusted the straps on butterfly vibrator. I placed the dildo inside the harness and adjusted the straps on that as well.

I marveled at my new length, gave a tentative stroke and wondered, _is this how it feels for a guy?_ It was surreal to me. I didn't have long to ponder as I suddenly became aware of a naked Edward in front of me. There he was on all fours ready for me on the bed.

The lust that washed over me was palpable. This beautiful man was offering himself to me with no questions asked. He was doing something with ease that took me a great deal of effort to even consider. He looked over his shoulder at me.

"Can you lie on your back instead?"

"Bella…" he started in a stern voice.

"Wait, hear me out," I interjected. "I want to see you writhing below me. I want to see and feel your facial expressions. We might do this again, but they'll never be another first time," I reasoned.

"Okay, Bella. If this is what you want, then I want what you want." And there it was again. He continually put his desires aside to fulfill mine.

He lay down on his back and I crawled above him. I was nervous as I had never done anything like this before, but seeing the reassuring look on his face was enough to calm my nerves.

I reached up to place the remote for the vibrator in his hand and grabbed the condom and lube he had placed on the nightstand. I rolled the condom down and applied a generous amount of lube. I also placed some lube on my fingers and moved down his body to place some inside his ass.

I slid one finger in first, allowing him to relax before I added a second and third finger, letting the lube work its wonders. He groaned as I slipped my fingers in and out. I knew he was ready, but I wanted him to tell me before I moved any further.

"Fuck me Bella."

"Not gently," I reminded.

"Just fucking take me," he ground out. It was all the permission I needed as I slowly slid into him. I gave him a second to adjust and looked to him for confirmation. He bent his legs at the knee and nodded his head to let me know he was ready.

I knew logistically I couldn't actually _feel _inside him, but it didn't matter. I could feel everything else around him—the way his legs jostled next to my body as I pumped, the light sheen of sweat that felt slick against my skin. And the noises he made. _God. _There wasn't a better sound in the world.

I willingly gave myself to him and now I needed to possess him in every way possible. I found myself wanting to take control. I had always been in control before Edward, but this was different. I couldn't relish in it with the others because it was too easy, a foregone conclusion. _I_ would lead and _they_ would follow. With Edward, everything changed. We were equals but the struggle was constant and exciting.

"Edward, I need…" I breathed out, trying to articulate what I wanted to say. Hoping there was something I could say that wouldn't push too far.

I kept pushing inside him, increasing the tension and pleasure. "I need you to touch yourself. I want to watch you masturbate while I am fucking you."

I could practically hear his heart rate pick up at my words. He nodded and then pressed a button on the remote. I felt small vibrations fluttering over my clit. The butterfly was snug against me and with each thrust, getting deeper inside him, the sensations became stronger as the vibrator was pushed even harder against me.

"Harder, Bella," he said as his fist moved furiously up and down his cock. Every part of my body caught on fire as he asked me to fuck him harder.

I did as he asked and his free hand pressed on the remote again moving it to the fastest setting. A jolt of pleasure rocked through me and I knew I was close.

"Gah…" I moaned, not able to be coherent. I watched his face scrunch in concentration—he was close, too.

With our climaxes approaching, he moved his legs to wrap around my body, pulling me closer to him. My arms were shaking as I continued to thrust, and I felt my orgasm build. It rocked my body, jolting me towards him. I could barely hold my weight up anymore.

"Fuck!" I called out as I finally felt it bursting through me.

It was hard to keep my momentum, but I moved with everything left in me. I wanted him to come with me inside him. I moved faster and harder than I thought possible and I felt his grip around me tighten. With a grunt, his hot cum spurted all over my stomach and chest. I kept moving until he finished, and gently pulled out of him. I lay down next to him in bed and removed the condom from the dildo. I threw it in the trash and rolled over to a still-panting Edward.

I rested my head on his chest, willing our bodies to relax.

"Freud had it all wrong you know," I commented lightly.

"How do you figure?"

"Forget penis envy, women have strap-ons now."

* * *

:) Just a fun take on the idea that men do the things they do out of fear of castration, and women are upset that they've been castrated. hmmpfh freud.


End file.
